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13 thoughts on “[Sticky] Open Thread #9”
Continuing our conversation regarding screening women for a relationship,I just found an oldie goldie by you in the wayback machine. Hope you don’t mind me sharing it here.
I think the post on your other blog and what is written here is almost exactly the same.
From Hindustan Times:
Even Russia does not believe in the recent leak.
What do you guys think about romantic love between a man and woman?
I had a deep infatuation with a woman in my early twenties and being with her felt great, really intoxicating. She was also my first sexual partner. This young lady was attracted to me as well in the beginning, but didn’t fall in love as hard as I did. I basically supplicated to her and wanted to give her anything she desired to make her happy. If she asked me “What do you want?” I was very likely to respond with “Whatever you want!” Thus her attraction to me was gradually worn away. She literally told me to stop trying to please her all the time. Then a more aloof, confident guy came along and flirted with her and she promptly left me for him.
Since then I have been “chasing the first high” as drug addicts say, seeking to relive that intoxicating feeling of both desiring and being desired by a woman. Trying to get back in that state of mind where just making love and then lying in bed together cuddling and talking for hours feels like the greatest pleasure imaginable.
I have had seven relationships in the 15 years that have passed since I was dumped by my first love. I believe five of them were truly in love with me while the other two just didn’t want to be alone, and liked to have a male companion who was always around and sexually available. But I never fell in love with any of these seven women, and I’m beginning to suspect that the part of my brain that is capable of falling in love was somehow “scarred” or “numbed” when I was dumped 15 years ago.
Is it foolish of me to keep pursuing “true love” to relive that feeling of romantic passion with a woman? Perhaps such love is really only for the young, and a matured man cannot develop such a strong infatuation?
You have a very similar problem to a friend of mine. He’s been (and currently is) with a very problematic chick who has caused him nothing but absolute stress in his life. He’s told me he’s tried to forget her but even having been with younger and prettier women who are actually pleasant and genuinely love him hasn’t helped him get over her,and thus he’s now back with her.
I recommended he take a consultation with Aaron because I legit don’t know how to help him. Perceived lack of options seems to actually not be the problem here. Maybe this is trauma bond happening before my eyes or something of the sort.
I was also infatuated with a good-looking Italian girl. She also likes me. But I observed some of her strange behaviours and finally decided to not get close to her. Till this day, I feel I am saved from a lot of hassles really.
This is something that I think Sleazy can chime in. This seems to be the basic feature of female psychology. Whether it is normal or psychopathy, I don’t know. But I have heard from many guys that you have to be less invested in her. Like she could not be the only goal in your life. You must have a goal that is separated from her. Basically, a woman will lose attraction if you start to become too invested in her. Many PUA guys even said you should “fuck ten other girls” in order to keep her in balance. Interesting. Little did they mention that if you did so, you might lose her as well because she could not deal with your cheating, or your sleeping with other women.
“But I have heard from many guys that you have to be less invested in her. Like she could not be the only goal in your life.”
I think this is probably true, and I think it also used to come pretty naturally. I imagine many millennials and zoomers these days just can’t help but over invest in a woman, as they’ve been conditioned to do so and arguably don’t have as much going for them as previous generations. Low T levels probably don’t help, not to mention being raised by abusive single mothers.
Thanks for your responses guys! I should probably clarify that I have gotten over the fact that I will never get back together with the first woman I fell in love with. But the main reason I am still on the dating market 15 years later, even though I do not wish to have children, is that I’m yearning for that feeling of being in romantic love, with a woman who is also in romantic love with me. As it turns out it is possible to meet women who fall in love with me, but I haven’t been able to fall in love with any of them. I’m wondering whether I should keep chasing the dream or just give up on dating entirely.
@Cuong Quoc Vu: I did learn my lesson about not acting “desperate” and supplicating with women from this first girlfriend. Especially when she left me for a guy who was more arrogant and aloof. I think the way to manage this when one is in love with a woman is to tease her and be playful. I don’t think I would be able to be cold and calculating with a woman I actually loved, like sleeping with other women just to control her. But I could definitely be playful and more earnest and confident than I was in my first relationship.
I think it is just personality. I also if I had fallen in love, I would be like you.
That’s why Sleazy’s philosophy is powerful: You have to be happy on your own.
I think if you are married to a girl, you need a goal like career advancement that you could invest your time in.
Is your first girlfriend the most attractive out of all partners you have ever got?
Sorry, not married to
@Cuong Quoc Vu
Yeah, it may just be down to meeting the woman with the right personality… I think I’ll persevere in my dating pursuits for a while. It is interesting to meet a lot of different women, even though it takes up a lot of energy and time. And like you say, I shouldn’t care so much about the outcome of dating and get in the mindset of being content with life even if I stay single.
My first girlfriend was actually not the prettiest one. Her body was great, but I’ve had two other girlfriends with bodies just as sexy. As for her face, four of the others had more attractive faces. But I had never even kissed a woman before I met her, so she was like a goddess to me back then!
Ah no, I mean our personality. Some of us males are more affectionate and easily attached to a woman than others. There are guys who are naturally more detached.